i feel like a widow. a widow in a war who knows she lost her husband in war. who had that moment in her day, when she paused, like in a movie, when she looked up and knew he was gone. she knew he was dead but had to wait for formal news before she did anyting drastic. like a pin prick to my heart I can't act until all the blood has poured out of the tiny wound so painfully slow. that's when i will colapse and die. what a tragic day indeed.